Areas Covered: General & Relationships

Area covered	Brief Description
Dealing with a troubled childhood	Maybe you feel that your past haunts you sometimes and prevents you from living life the way you want to live it. Memories and patterns from the past can feel as if they trip you up or drag you down. We all know that we can’t change the past, but sometimes we need a little help to let it go.
Divorce and separation	Hypnosis will help you heal your feelings of pain, betrayal, abandonment, struggle, anger, guilt, sadness and separation. It will give you back the feeling of being important and strong.
Dealing with domestic abuse	Deal with the pain and destruction in all areas of your life. Stop the damage and become a strong person in your own right now!
Dealing with a midlife crisis	“Where’s my life going? There’s still so much I haven’t done! Life is passing me by!” People yearn to feel young again instead of “middle-aged”, “stuck” or “in a rut” and fear that they haven’t lived up to their own expectations. They may be conscious of social pressure, which tells them that “by now I should be married … be rich … have a house … have travelled the world …” and so on. Hypnosis addresses the feelings of rising panic associated with these thoughts. A midlife crisis is really a signal that something needs changing in your life or your perspective. Get rid of those “midlife crisis” feelings and fears of middle age and grasp life by the horns optimistically and energetically again.
Suicide/ life-threatening behaviour	With hypnosis the real cause will be found, fixed, and replaced. Get back control over the content of your thoughts and emotions. *Important: Severe life-threatening behaviour is a serious condition and you should consult a medical practitioner immediately. Hypnosis is a supplement and not a replacement for medical assistance.*
Stopping self-harm	Self-harm is an addiction; it works like a habitual and repetitive pattern of behaviour that starts to feel compulsive. First there is a build-up of tension and stress (or even boredom); then there are thoughts of cutting. You try to stop yourself but the urge seems stronger than ever. You start to “trance out” and things seem a bit unreal, as your focus narrows down to self-harm and you hurt yourself. When you cut yourself, you get a chemical release as your body’s natural opiate painkillers are released. Afterwards you feel relief, followed by self-disgust that you’ve “gone and done it again.” Use any help you can get in conjunction with this hypnosis session. Hypnosis will help you to relax and give your subconscious mind the chance to unlearn the old self-harm pattern, so you can begin to thrive as a person. Join my hypnotherapy now and learn new ways to cope with emotional distress.
Dealing with retrenchment/ retirement	Losing your job is tough. Your self-confidence is knocked sideways with the loss of status and security. Self-doubt arises just when you need to pick yourself up and turn your life around. For this you need a clear and calm mind. Hypnosis will enable you to deal with job loss constructively and calmly. It will give you psychological tools and encouragement to maximise your optimism and self-confidence, and the space to cope more effectively with the negative emotions. Unemployment or adjustment can be hard to deal with – give yourself a helping hand and feel the possibilities unfold ...
Dealing with depression	Why is it when you are depressed you simply can’t see any way out? The reason is that depression exhausts your brain, and so makes you interpret reality in black-or-white, extreme and negative ways. Depression is exhaustion brought about by an incredibly stressful or emotional time. Over-worrying and over-analysing, looking inward and thinking negatively all cause and maintain depression. Depression is a death suggestion in the subconscious mind. One way to escape from this onslaught is deep relaxation (hypnosis). This can give your brain the rest it needs and partially restore your depleted resources. Regular relaxation can help lift depression as part of a wider depression treatment programme. Hypnosis will help you feel positive and strong about your future as depression starts to fade from your life.
Dealing with postnatal depression	Exhaustion, tearfulness, self-reproach and guilt come after your new arrival. “Baby blues” usually lasts only a few days after the birth because of hormonal changes, and lifts quickly once the balance is restored and you get enough rest. Full-blown postnatal depression is different, and often starts after the mother has been discharged from the hospital. Some new mothers don’t have a support network around them that would help ease their situation. Others doubted their own ability to be a good mother even before they gave birth. Others find their baby difficult to “connect” with and feel depressed because of that. Depression makes you think in narrow and blinkered ways. When you relax deeply with hypnosis, you gain access to the part of your mind which can think clearly and produce much healthier and more positive feelings. As your recovery proceeds, the bad days get fewer and less upsetting and the good days increase. Gradually the bad days will disappear completely.
Dealing with a nervous breakdown	Feelings are overwhelming you and pursuing a “normal” life and “normal” relationships is no doubt proving tough. Nervous breakdowns tend to happen because of a demanding lifestyle, stress, or as a result of dealing with trauma. You may feel that everything is a struggle and there is nothing positive in your life. However, treating a breakdown in the right way will allow you to come out on the other side as an even better person. Relaxation through hypnosis is the key to recovery. Stopping for a while and taking time to relax when you feel things are getting too much will gradually allow your body and mind to feel refreshed, re-energised, and calmer again. You will also be able to put up boundaries and set yourself limits so that you don’t have to deal with a breakdown again. ---------------------------- *Important: A nervous breakdown is a serious condition and you should consult a medical practitioner. Hypnosis is a supplement and not a replacement.*
Dealing with guilt	Excessive guilt can be one of the most crippling emotions and is a terrible burden to bear. Guilt stops you forgiving yourself and ties you to the past. Guilt is most often a learned pattern from when you were younger, and can interfere with the development of your emotional intelligence. It also makes you less able to distinguish between guilt and regret, which is a crucial difference. Regret allows you to learn and move on; guilt just holds you in the past. Get guilt back into perspective and refuse to be controlled by it. Hypnosis can: Determine more accurately what is within your responsibility and how to deliberately choose to let things go; Stop you going over and over things in your mind; Enable you to avoid being manipulated by those who use guilt on you (although people sometimes don’t even know they are doing it); Improve your relationship with yourself, as you establish your own standards and live up to them, instead of other people’s.
Dealing with parental-care guilt	Whether it’s your mother, father or another relative you have to place in a nursing home, it’s a terribly tough decision. The moment when you take them to the care home and leave them there can make you feeling guiltier than ever. “But they did so much for me!” It is common for you to recall how parents looked after and cared for you, so you feel you should be doing the same for your parents rather than placing them in the care of others. Although you feel sad at committing your relative to a home, the right decisions have to be right for everybody. Guilt is an emotion that serves no purpose in the long term. Hypnosis will get you feeling more objective and detached about the whole process, which will enable you to feel more human. It won’t make you care less, but it will enable you to feel calmer about the inevitable and stop making things harder for yourself by feeling like a “bad person”. You will get perspective.
Dealing with grief/ bereavement	Grief is a natural process when we lose someone important to us; it can be so hard for a while. You find that everything reminds you of them and that they are no longer around. This is natural for a while and is your brain’s way of gently fading this person out of your day-to-day life. If grief lasts for months without reducing in intensity, then it may be time to get a little help. Hypnosis can assist with the process of dealing with grief so that you have more choices. This stops sad thoughts and recollections constantly interrupting your day-to-day life and means that the grief is less pervasive and disturbing. To truly remember someone is a great act of appreciation and respect, and to go on and truly live your life can be an act of respectful remembrance.
Dealing with the death of a child/ miscarriage	Whether it was anticipated or not, the grief after the death of a child is hard and intense. Memories of how the child was when they were full of life and vitality can haunt the bereaved parent as much as images of any suffering the child may have experienced. In addition to your own grieving, you need to continue to live, give love and support to people around you (your children/partner). Recovery takes time and only becomes a “problem” when it doesn’t seem to feel any better after many months and is clearly preventing you from getting on with your life. The guilt: Parents quite naturally feel that somehow they shouldn’t ever feel better. You want the grief to stop, but you feel guilty when you do feel better. Hypnosis isn’t meant to encourage you to forget your child or to somehow make the grieving stop completely – that wouldn’t be right. But it should be used as a “break from feeling bad” and a way to feel better about your own future. You can actually respectfully grieve in a better and more balanced way if you are rested and relaxed more of the time.
Dealing with the death of a partner	Dealing with the death of a partner can seem like the hardest thing in the world. It may seem as if the light has gone out of your life and a part of you died with them. When your partner dies you may have mixed emotions. You may feel shock, disbelief, anger at them for dying, fear for the future and/or guilt for being the one left alive. This is all totally natural. It’s vital to remember that to “grieve well” you also need to rest from grieving. This means not thinking about your deceased partner sometimes. This way, when you do think about them your thoughts can be more focused and clearer. It may feel as if you can’t ever live a truly satisfying life after the death of a partner, but you can and will. You have needs. You need to take care of your body, making sure you are rested and eating well. You need to maintain and encourage connections to supportive people around you. You need to have meaning and purpose, and of course time to talk about your deceased partner. Soon you will feel better and your grieving will feel more comfortable. Hypnosis will help you to rest and relax and also offer deep encouragement for your future.
Dealing with the death of a parent	Death of a parent is one of the key milestones of life. Whether the death was expected/unexpected or welcome/unwelcome, now they are gone. We experience that up until now our parent(s) have “always been there” – a fundamental fact of our lives. Even though we know that everyone will die one day, that’s not enough to shake the inner conviction of permanence we have built. Hypnosis can help you with letting go and accepting the passing of your parent and preparing for the life you must now live. You will learn how to gain some control over the emotions associated with grief without having to suppress or deny them. You will find that it is possible, however sad and bereaved you now feel, to begin to look forward again to enjoying the good things that life has to offer you. You will fully honour the memory of your parent in ways that are appropriate and satisfying to you.
Dealing with recurring dreams	Nightmares and bad dreams seem so real they can leave you traumatised and even dreading going to sleep. Repetitive dreams or nightmares often have a classic theme, such as being chased or dying. Dreams come from emotional expectations we have during waking hours that are not fulfilled, so the emotional arousal is never “switched off”. We dream to “complete the circuit”. So if you have frightening thoughts but what you fear isn’t resolved during the day, then your subconscious mind will try to complete the pattern by producing a nightmare. Nightmares can be stopped by changing them so that they are no longer frightening. This can be done with hypnosis and the process is fast and comfortable. In fact you can look forward to a better night’s sleep straight away and get a proper rest tonight.
Dealing with sexual abuse	Your immediate reaction to this overwhelming trauma or abuse has been repressed as you “removed” a part of yourself, but later on in life conflict or environmental pressure may cause it to re-emerge. This re-emerging of such a repressed ego state is more often than not difficult and frightening. Hypnosis can help you face this trauma and take away its power.
Dealing with pornography addiction	Porn addiction can make you feel empty and worthless, unbalance your attitude to sex, damage relationships and waste your time and money. This addiction isn’t always primarily to do with sex! Feelings of loneliness, boredom, and insecurity, or just having the opportunity, can all result in porn addiction. Porn is a fraud because it promises something it doesn’t deliver. You use it to escape reality, but it actually worsens the very reality you are trying to escape from. Maybe you kid yourself that you’re not really hooked, or you will just view porn for a few minutes, but then you become entranced again and find yourself back in the life-destroying cycle. Learn to overcome this addiction with hypnosis to reset your subconscious mind.
Dealing with sex addiction/ masturbation addiction	Perhaps this addiction has made you take risks. It may have undermined or ruined good relationships. It may have made you deceitful and stopped you focusing on your work or other non-sexual relationships. Just craving the next “sex fix” and not caring how you get it can put you and other people at risk. You may have been using compulsive sexual activity as a way of escaping other things in your life or giving you a sense of meaning. The fact is that it doesn’t work as a “fix”. After the come-down when the deed has been done, you still have the same issues to deal with. So the “promise” of sexual addiction is actually a lie, because it doesn’t solve anything at all. Hypnotherapy will help calm down the sex addiction so that desire for sex takes its proper place in your life but stops dominating your life. You can still be a sexual person, but also develop other aspects of your self – after all, who wants to be one-dimensional? Overcome sex addiction or masturbate less. Start living your life in truly satisfying ways.
Kleptomania (compulsive need to steal)	The compulsive need to steal is usually about trying to fill a gap in your life. But as a solution to personal problems it doesn’t work – it just makes things a whole lot worse. Maybe it has got you into trouble or you’re afraid that it soon will. You fear loss of dignity and even being caught thieving in stores. Shoplifting is generally well planned and is done to get things you can use or sell. Kleptomania is compulsive and impulsive; it feels like it takes you by surprise and that you can’t resist it. It can be similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder and is a psychological condition. If you aren’t getting your essential needs (like attention, intimacy, recognition, etc.) met in the right way, then you might unconsciously try to meet these needs through theft. Hypnosis will help you to break these bonds. It will make you more consciously aware of your emotional needs and motivate you to meet them in healthy ways. It will train your mind to “step out” of the theft trance at will, giving you freedom from kleptomania for good.
Impulse buying	It’s clear that when buying things on impulse has become a habit, it can bring a lot of trouble in its wake. We don’t really understand our impulses. We feel an agitation, an urgency, an irritation, a dissatisfaction, and we cast about for something to soothe it. “Just say no!” is the commonest advice you will get – but it doesn’t address the psychological factors underpinning the behaviour, and you may find your willpower isn’t up to it. But when you work on the unconscious pattern your own mind, in hypnosis, it becomes much easier to bring about the change you want. Hypnotherapy helps you take back control from the buying habit. You allow the suggestions of a professional person to take you into a deeply transformative state which just punctures the power of that impulse. The inner clarity you gain will allow you to see your life from a new perspective, and what your own goals and resources really are. You’ll still be able to buy whatever you choose – but you will notice that it’s now really you who chooses, and knows what you’re choosing.
Dealing with a gambling addiction	Gambling is entrancing; the rest of your life fades into the background. Like a magic spell – or a curse – victims are seduced into throwing away time, money, relationships, and self-esteem. Most people addicted to gambling know what gambling is taking from them, but they stay hooked. When not in the “gambling trance”, they can see right through it, but then somehow the addiction takes over and they are helpless to stop. Hypnosis will take the compulsion out of gambling for good. It helps you break free of the temporary pull of the gambling illusion – giving the control back to you. You will know you’ve outgrown the addiction when it no longer feels like something you want to do. Stop gambling addiction stealing from you and get your life back!

Relationships are the central pillar of a happy and satisfying life, whether you are currently dating or in a long-term partnership, or in your work environment, etc. Browse the hypnosis that my service covers to see if I can help with any relationship issues that you may be experiencing.

Area Covered	Brief Description
Dealing with fear of commitment	This fear is the bugbear of decision-making in general. Why? Because it constantly ambushes you with a “what if?” You are considering your options. “Shall I get into a long-term relationship with this person?”; “What if it doesn’t work out?” Undue anxiety about how things will turn out actually locks you into an unending series of “what if?” dilemmas. Whatever decisions you make in life, trivial or serious, there are always consequences you cannot foresee. You want to be sure, before you make your decision, which is the right one. That’s understandable – but in fact it’s simply impossible. So making good decisions is really about being able to relax with uncertainty, to accept not being in control of absolutely everything. And overcoming your fear of pledging yourself to a relationship, conquering that fear of commitment – or indeed any other major decision – will actually free you to really make the most of the opportunities that life presents. Hypnosis is a powerful way to overcome fear of commitment. It uses the power of your subconscious mind to help you escape from the limiting traps set by anxiety. You will find that the old worry just melts away as you listen and relax. A clear psychological understanding of the processes of decision-making is combined with powerful hypnotic suggestions to take you through a transformative journey to real inner freedom.
Overcoming fear of abandonment	Maybe you have had many failed relationships, where someone walked away from you. Or you’ve got into the habit of becoming involved with people who are in some way unavailable and are likely to leave you feeling abandoned. This may be making you over-clingy, behaving desperately and seeking intimacy too quickly in friendships and relationships. If your greatest worry is that you will “be abandoned again” or “be let down in the end”, then you tend to “live defensively”. This means you are constantly on the lookout for signs you are about to be abandoned. This leads to over-controlling behaviour in a relationship, which in turn may leave you more likely to actually be abandoned. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you felt abandoned when you were young, then your subconscious mind may be on the lookout for any tiny sign that it might happen again – even if things are, in reality, secure. In this way your subconscious may be training you to match current reality to past reality, without you realising on an emotional level that you are stronger and more able now or that the fear is unjustified. Hypnosis will use deep relaxation to build your confidence as a person and make you feel more relaxed about relationships generally.
Learn to trust again	Trust is the lifeblood of strong and healthy relationships. Without trust there is doubt, suspicion and pessimism. To trust another person implies we have expectations of how they will behave. We expect them to show integrity and honesty (at least in their dealings with us). If we assume that everyone is out to betray us or will inevitably let us down, then we begin to look for signs of this happening – even if they aren’t there! People who lose the capacity to trust talk about having been “made a fool of”. They fear being made to look foolish by trusting the wrong person. We all need to be aware that other people do sometimes do the opposite to what they say, but we also need to trust to form healthy relationships. Hypnotherapy will let you feel more open and relaxed with others, so that you can give all your relationships the best chance and enjoy them again.
Self-esteem in relationships	A healthy and happy relationship should be good for your self-esteem. Maybe your self-esteem wasn’t great to begin with, or you feel it’s just a matter of time before your partner rejects you in favour of someone “better”! Perhaps your low self-esteem in your relationship is even spoiling the relationship itself. This can happen if you keep looking for signs that your partner has lost interest in you, or prefers someone else, or is only seeing you because they pity you. Sometimes it makes you defensive and you feel as if you are being criticised when you are not (over-sensitivity). It could be the case that you were badly treated and psychologically abused by a previous partner who put you down, never said anything nice about you and made you feel worthless. But if we take these “old feelings” into a new relationship, they can really get in the way. Imagine what it will be like to truly value yourself and be able to feel the reality of your partner’s love and respect for you! This will happen when you feel that it is right and reasonable for them to feel positively towards you. That is what hypnosis can do for you; you can start to feel good about yourself in your relationship.
Banish insecurity in relationships	Insecurity in relationships can lead to relationship breakdown and a lot of unnecessary heartache. Do you sometimes feel you are not good enough for the person you are with? Do you foresee things going wrong in your relationships? Has insecurity driven you to end a relationship before? Insecurity in relationships happens to everyone at some time, but when it is a constant visitor, life can become pretty difficult. Nagging thoughts about the other person, jealousy perhaps, pessimism about your long-term prospects with your partner – all these are common side-effects of insecurity. How would it feel to expect the best from your relationships? If you could get rid of this old problem – or even reduce it by 50% – wouldn’t that be a wonderful, energy-freeing achievement? And what do you think your partner would notice first about your new attitude? Try hypnosis now and experience freedom from those old negative thoughts.
Overcome excessive jealousy	No-one who has experienced extreme jealousy needs to be told what it can do to a relationship. Whether you are the jealous partner, or are on the receiving end, jealousy can devastate a relationship quickly. You know what you are doing is wrong, but it is often impossible to stop. Jealousy is caused by an over-active and misused imagination. Creating scenarios in your mind of what your partner is thinking or doing is the perfect way to torture yourself. Yet however horrible it feels, it can be almost compulsive – it can feel impossible to keep the jealous thoughts from your mind. Hypnosis will help you get control back over the workings of your imagination so it stops feeding you images of the worst happening. Your partner will be astounded (and probably overjoyed!) at the new relaxed, realistic you.
New parent (build your confidence)	You’ve survived nine months of pregnancy, experienced the excitement and intensity of labour, and come through the delivery itself. You are a new parent and you feel as if you don’t know what you are doing. Where are the instructions? It’s just at this point that you can have a crisis of confidence. Suddenly feeling responsible for another life, maybe doubting that you are “good enough” to be a new parent and adjusting to a new kind of life stretches the best of us. Many new parents feel they should just “know” what to do. Why? We all have to learn and become better at any new role we are given in life. How could you automatically know how to be a parent? Here are some reassuring facts: No parent is “perfect”. It’s natural to become tired, irritable, even bored looking after your baby sometimes. This doesn’t mean you are a “bad parent”. You won’t be a “new parent” for long – pretty soon you’ll have a child, not a baby. Everything changes – it’s not for ever. There are pleasures and joys to parenting that you are yet to discover. The “new parent” hypnosis session will get you feeling relaxed and calm about your new role.
Being a new step-parent	There is a child in your life who isn’t yours, but you want to get on with them. However, you may feel impatient with your step-child, or feel you have really made an effort and got little back in return. You may feel you cannot chastise or even praise the child because he or she is “not yours”. Some step-children can be resentful: “Why should I listen to you? You’re not my parent!” Many step-parents say they fear becoming the “wicked step-mother/father” and because of that they find it hard to set limits and boundaries on step-children’s behaviour. The fact is that you live with them and you can be respected as an adult and a contributor – regardless of whether you are related by blood or not. Jealousy can play a big part in this relationship – on both sides. Despite yourself, you may sometimes feel resentful of the attention your step-child receives from your partner, or the amount of attention they seem to demand. You may feel jealous of what the step-child represents, which is of course a previous relationship of your partner. And your step-child, in turn, may feel resentful, even bitter, towards you for taking away your partner’s attention (which before they had all to themselves). Hypnotherapy will present new ways to feel about your step-child which will help you (and subsequently them) become more relaxed about the relationship as a whole. Becoming a step-parent is an opportunity for self-development and for investing in a relationship which can last for life.
Overprotective parents	As a parent, you think ahead and try to foresee what problems and challenges might arise. You try to protect your children from hurt. You warn them of dangers and sometimes forcibly remove them from harm’s way. But can a parent be overprotective, and can it do more harm than good? When you step back and calm down, you begin to see the bigger picture. That powerful protective instinct is only part of your role as a parent. But it need not be the only consideration in every decision you make about parenting. Good parenting is really about balance. Sometimes it is appropriate to be protective. Sometimes it’s appropriate to hold back and let your children learn their own lessons. This means making mistakes, taking risks, getting it wrong, getting hurt. It’s this balance which produces strong, mature individuals, able to make their own way in life. Even when you acknowledge this intellectually and try to be more balanced in your parenting, you’ve probably noticed how hard it feels to resist that instinctive urge to step right in there and protect. It’s almost as if you can’t help yourself. So it’s good to know that instinctive templates, even such deeply embedded ones as protective parenting, can be updated. Hypnotherapy makes full use of the latest insights into brain functions and behaviour patterns. It can actively update instinctive patterns. You will find these changes happening almost effortlessly, and you can be sure that the changes you make will be beneficial to both you and your children.
Overcome parental guilt	Each individual parent “makes it up as they go along”. Some kind of “perfect parent” still hangs around in the background, telling you you’re no good. One of the commonest is the Totally Loving Parent, giving the children everything they want and never refusing them anything. Another common one is the Compensation Parent; this one is a regular hunter of step-families, and parents who are raising their children in difficult circumstances. This is the one who wants to “make up for” what may be very real deficiencies that the children are facing. We’d all do almost anything not to feel guilty. The trouble with these propitiating, guilt-driven approaches is that they backfire. The very first step is to realise that it’s not about matching up to an ideal of parenting (your own or one imposed by society). In fact, it’s not about you at all. It’s about the children, and what they need from you in order to grow and flourish. As soon as you look at it like this, from the perspective of the children’s needs, everything becomes clearer. You may have fallen into such a pattern of guilt-driven parenting that it’s become a habit that you need to break. You can do it by calling on your subconscious resources through the use of hypnosis. Hypnosis is the most effective way we know to bring about speedy and long-lasting change in attitudes and habits. It can help you cast off the shackles of guilt and become a guilt-free parent. Start a new adventure with your children.
Being adopted	Maybe the fact that you were adopted isn’t something you think about much. Maybe knowing your real mother “gave you away” sometimes makes you feel sad or angry; maybe you’ve always known you were adopted and feel you have basically accepted it. Perhaps you only found out much later and still sometimes feel upset about it. How do you explain what it’s like not to have “roots”? Why you feel such a mix of sadness and anger and confusion? Complicated feelings like this can powerfully influence how you feel about yourself. Many adopted people say they have always “felt different”. Of course, you may have had wonderful loving and caring adoptive parents, but may still feel haunted by that sense of being different from the other kids, from people who had “ordinary” family experiences. You may have been looking for some kind of “closure” to ease your mind. If you feel that you haven’t quite come to terms with the idea that you were adopted, then hypnotherapy is for you. Hypnosis is a powerful tool to ease difficult emotions and reframe attitudes and ideas. You’ll find it allows you to really relax around the facts of your own adoptive history, while offering you new and positive perspectives on your life. Get some closure on those issues.
Empty Nest syndrome (the promise of new life)	If your child has just gone off to college or left home for their own place, you can find yourself struggling with unexpected feelings of grief. You may chide yourself: “Nobody died!” Your days can feel empty and without direction. You wonder what the point of your life is now they have gone … As you care for them as infants, delighting in their every step, you don’t think of them walking away from you. Seeing them through school, you don’t think of them learning to do without you. You have wonderful dreams of what they will be and do in future – but somehow you manage to skip over the bit where they leave home. These reactions are perfectly normal. When a major change occurs in your life there are always losses as well as gains. It’s wonderful to know that your child is now ready to make their own way in the world. But it means that you lose that special intimacy that belongs to the time of dependence. It’s great that they can now make their own plans and arrangements and shift for themselves. But it means that you need to find something new for you to direct your energies towards, as “parenting” is no longer required. Let yourself feel the sadness, even while you rejoice for your child’s progress in life. Set aside time to focus on the memories, rather than letting grief swamp your day. Begin to think about what you would like to do now that you are no longer responsible for them. Take time out to help yourself. Hypnotherapy offers you an opportunity to ease your journey through the process of letting go. Let yourself be carried away on a hypnotic journey to relieve the burden and refresh you. Spark a fresh spring of creativity inside you and surprise yourself with the possibilities that await you. Discover that life is just beginning.
Stop seeking approval	We like approval from other people. It’s human nature to feel that we are “getting along” with those around us. We don’t like friction and conflict, and feel very uncomfortable if we think others don’t approve of us. But getting the balance right between pleasing others and valuing yourself is tricky. We fall into the trap of believing that if we do what others want, they will be bound to approve of us. That “approval” can manifest in many different ways. It might be “love”; permission to do certain things; a pass mark; keeping your job; not being abandoned. Whatever the manifestation, we all tend to interpret it as meaning “this person approves of who I am, so I must be all right”. If the approval is not forthcoming, we tend to conclude “I am not all right”. We hand over our sense of self-worth to others and give them undue power over us. Use hypnosis to stop seeking approval from others. Reach right down to the subconscious roots of approval-seeking behaviour patterns and pull them up. You may realise for the very first time what a terrible drain on your energy approval-seeking has been. It’s truly wonderful when that stops. As you take in the powerful therapeutic suggestions, you will find yourself effortlessly constructing a new “model of the world” in your mind. You will hypnotically experience what it is like to get out there and be your own person, living your own life, in your own way. Discover your rightful place in the world.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

We all know people we would describe as “difficult”. Difficult people can range from the mildly irritating to the totally impossible-to-deal-with. My “Dealing with difficult people” section is designed to give you new strategies and skills to make handling those tricky types easier, and to reduce their impact on your life. Once we train your subconscious how to deal with a difficult person, you will find that the next meeting with that person is somehow just much easier and more productive

Hypnosis area covered	Brief description
The control freak	Control freaks can make relationships very difficult indeed. Over-possessiveness is stifling and suffocating. Possessive control freaks do anything to get their own way, including manipulation and even outright bullying. They feel they have to dictate every aspect of a project, and if you are their “project” then you can have a real sense that they are stealing your autonomy and independence. Control freaks will often: Try to control every aspect of your life; Dictate what you and your friends should do; Hate you going out or doing anything without them; Seem threatened by any opinions that don’t fall in line with what they think, or by areas of your life that don’t directly concern them. They may criticise things they don’t even know about; Always assume they know what’s best for you, regardless of your point of view, and give you advice whether you ask for it or not; Resent other people in your life who seem to exert influence over you in some way, such as your boss, or good friends or even family members. They may constantly criticise or even try to keep you away from such people; Check up on you to see what you are up to. They may even go through your phone numbers or interrogate friends and colleagues about your movements. We all have a basic need for a sense of control – but the control freak has a need that is out of control! They may tell you their controlling possessive ways are signs of “true love”, but that’s part of the control. If your “friendship” is more like a dictatorship, then you need to do something to stop being bulldozed and get your self-respect back.
The know-it-all	The know-it-all has an opinion on everything, regardless of whether they actually know anything about the subject or not. Know-it-alls are bombastic, opinionated and bad at listening. What they lack is the humility to say: “I do not know enough about this to form a proper opinion” or “You may be right because you have more experience in this area than I do”. They are not up for receiving input from others. The obvious solution seems to be to avoid the know-it-all, as they are great at putting other people down by implication. They know everything and you know nothing. Alternatively, “anything you do know you know because of them”! That’s the way they can make you feel. The know-it-all can damage your self-esteem because there is something compelling about their certainty. They are so sure of themselves that you almost believe them. Being a know-it-all is a form of greed. Know-it-alls want to take all credit and direct all things at all times, regardless of other people. They may sometimes take other peoples’ ideas on board – but then they claim these ideas as their own, or say that “everyone knew that anyway!” They are in fact greedy about “owning” knowledge. Hypnosis will give you tips and strategies and prime your subconscious mind to respond constructively to the know-it-all. You don’t have to change the know-it-all; you just have to deal with them in ways which are more constructive and cause less conflict. You need to be able to remain calm and objective, and remember that they do not know everything and that you actually know quite a lot.
The negative critic	Negative critics bring you down. They are always picking at you, chipping away at your confidence, complaining about something or other. Being on the receiving end of someone’s negative carping is demoralising and downright depressing. The worst thing you can do is begin to believe or “swallow” the messages of the negative critic, because then your self-confidence and self-esteem suffer. With hypnosis you’ll discover why negative criticism is based on the negative thinking of a depressed person (which is why it is so depressing to receive). You will also realise that such criticism is never true or realistic. Become immune to negative criticism! Once you start to see through the overblown and emotive statements, you’ll be able to start ignoring them. You don’t have to take criticism on board. If someone gives you bitter-tasting chewing gum, it doesn’t mean you have to chew it! If someone criticises you, then you can chew it briefly, and then spit it out! Being criticised is an emotional experience and can make you anxious and/or angry. The more emotional you become, the harder it is to think clearly or to defend yourself. Hold your own against negative critics and feel calm and in touch with your logical brain during times of criticism.
The angry bully	Having to deal with an angry bully on an ongoing basis can make your life hell. Bullies can be very perceptive about what is important to different people, because they use that information as a weapon. If your work is important to you they’ll attack your work efforts. If being sociable is important, they attempt to isolate you. If progressing up the career ladder is important to you, they’ll seek to block your advancement. Bullies routinely disrupt work and personal relationships and are continually undermining and disrespectful. They may think their aggressive “leadership” is motivating, but it just creates low morale, which means low productivity. Bullies come in many guises. Some just don’t listen to you; others have to have the last word all the time, or constantly fail to do what they say they will. Some make you feel you have to watch your back because of what they might be saying about you to others. Often they’ll criticise anything you say or do just because it came from you! Aggressive bullies compete for status and the spotlight and they want to make themselves look good by making you look bad. When a bully shouts at you and displays open hostility, it becomes harder to think and defend yourself. The more they upset you emotionally, the more your thinking brain shuts down. Angry bullies specialise in raising the emotional temperature so that you can’t think. Through hypnosis, prepare your mind to remain calm and detached so that your emotional state is no longer manipulated by that bully. Replenish your self-esteem and confidence.
The moody type	Their moods change like the weather. You never know how they are going to be from one day to the next. Moody people make life much harder than it needs to be. You have to work twice as hard – you have to do your work and you have to work at handling them. They may be that way because their needs in life aren’t being met. That’s not your problem – it’s theirs. They may use their moods as a way of wielding power and control. If their moods are like constantly changing weather conditions then you need to become weatherproof and stop being battered and blown all over the place. Your responses, emotions and actions need to be constant, calm and reliable when you deal with them. When you react to them this way, you will begin to influence the way they behave. People ultimately only act up when they feel they can get away with it and it will gain them some advantage. Once these two factors are missing, their behaviour will improve. Imagine feeling detached and “resistant” to whatever mood this type of person displays. Imagine mentally handing back all responsibility to them for the way that they act. This frees up your own energy for more important things, and you start to manage your emotions and the moody person’s. Let their moods just sail by, which is what hypnotherapy can do for you.
The gossiper	A common tactic of the gossipy two-face is to “false-team”: “Some people have been saying/a few people have been talking about you and saying ...” But when it comes to giving you names or even exactly what is being said, they clam up! Nothing is out in the open and all they’ve succeeded in doing is make you feel insecure and paranoid. They may do this as entertainment, or because they are envious of you. Whatever the reason, dealing with them can be awful. Two-faced gossiping and back-stabbing is a bit like guerrilla warfare; the sniper shoots from the trees so you can’t properly defend yourself. When you force them out into the open and confront them, they are at a disadvantage and go on the defensive. With hypnosis you learn how to deal with this most unpleasant of difficult people. Make your life straightforward again today!
The guilt-tripper	Some people are adept at emotional manipulation; you can be controlled through guilt because you’re basically a decent person. It’s likely that you have been conditioned in the past to feel guilty and unrealistically responsible for someone else’s emotions and actions. Guilt-trippers play the martyr and constantly remind you what they have done for you. They know exactly how to make you feel bad so they can get you to do what they want. The emotional blackmail of the guilt-tripper is a way of gaining control over you. The guilt-tripper treats you as just an object, a means to an end. They will use accusatory language. They will talk about things “not being fair” and compare how you treat other people to the way they feel you treat them. They will exaggerate your role in things and constantly blame you. Some are “drama queens’’ and exaggerate everything. It’s one thing to have a guilt-tripper in your life, but it’s another to have your behaviour and emotions controlled by them. They are all “me, me, me!” Yet these very selfish people constantly talk about what they’ve done or suffered for others! Hypnosis can free you from the guilt-tripper’s manipulations. You will no longer be controlled by their emotional blackmail. This doesn’t mean you always have to say “no” to them, but it does mean you’ll make decisions based on logic, not enforced guilt trips. Give yourself a chance to enjoy your life more – and maybe even help the guilt-tripper grow up!
The shy person	It can be hard to communicate with shy people. The more you “push” them, the more they go into their shell. You feel you are doing all the talking or asking all the questions and they just don’t respond. You need to see beyond this difficulty, for their sake and yours. It’s easy to become frustrated with shy people, especially if you feel their shyness hampers work and social situations. Behind the seeming aloofness there is often somebody who desperately wants to “join in” but doesn’t know how. It’s easy for a shy person to feel invisible, because they aren’t socially dominant and so people ignore them. But they have so much to offer – maybe because they are so sensitive and thoughtful. Underneath they may be very funny or kind and considerate. You need to be patient and calm and also know some of the ways to build confidence quickly in the shy person. Hypnosis will help you deal effectively with shy people in two ways. You will start feeling relaxed with them yourself, and you will also become better at making them feel comfortable enough to speak and express themselves freely. This makes life easier for everyone.
Verbal self-defence skills	Have you noticed some people tie you up in knots by what they say to you – and the way they say it? Do you ever feel helpless and angry that you can’t make your point in these situations? You may know someone who uses the machine-gun technique – asking you question after question without giving you a chance to answer. Or maybe you are subjected to someone who makes snide sarcastic jokes at your expense. If you often feel verbally assaulted, then learning some verbal self-defence skills will empower you. There are a few simple rules to verbal self-defence that will allow you to defend yourself with dignity. Hypnosis will teach you these key rules and train your brain to stay relaxed in those tricky situations, ensuring that you can respond and not freeze or clam up. This is essential, because it’s easy to know what you should say during times of verbal assault but it’s another thing having the presence of mind to defend yourself at the time. Hypnosis will increase your confidence and get you feeling more relaxed and better about yourself generally. Watch the bullies just fade into the background.